she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
