i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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