somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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