Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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