there was a trapeze. enough said
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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