watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize