I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
