She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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