Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize