you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
as a side note pls kill me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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