i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up under a house in Key West
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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