dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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