I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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