Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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