I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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