What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
