You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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