how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
