are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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