People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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