you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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