no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
please don't ironically join a cult
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