well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
