He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
