don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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