I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wear drunk well.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
