I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize