I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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