i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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