I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
