So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
