hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
