They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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