How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
