Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
