Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
