I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
