I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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