call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
