Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
