If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
