i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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