Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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