Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
