I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
