Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
