Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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