all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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