Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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