There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
