Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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