We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
