is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
