Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize