Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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