I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
