That's when you crack a 10am beer
only if we run a train.
done.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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