whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
