I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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