So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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