Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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