so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize