I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
