sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
