To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
