If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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