May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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