Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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