I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
