Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
