his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so let's talk penis.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
