she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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