This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
