sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
only if we run a train.
done.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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