just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
