Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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