Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
