Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
