Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
