how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
