dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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