one might say we're banned from that church
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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