Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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