This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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