I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
