I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
