Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
