Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
