We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
