Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
