she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
