yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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