Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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