I am spending my child support on dildos
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
