All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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