i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
