There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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