the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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