Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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