They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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