drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
