can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
