does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
