He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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