There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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