Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
